i wish i wrote beautifully,
spill words that wrench your heartstrings,
take you to places that you were too afraid to explore,
shake you violently to snap you out of it.

i wish words came easy,
and feelings poured out ceaselessly,
no barriers, no holding back.

it's a constant chase.
a daily reminder that i'm not good enough,
that i may never be good enough,
that there is always room to grow.
a likely unhealthy mantra that both makes me feel a little hollow and pushes me on.

perhaps in time i will learn to take stock of how far i've come,
how much i've stretched and grown.
maybe i'll laugh it off and say i'm supposed to grow afterall,
maybe i'll marvel and be content for a moment.

contentment.
true satisfaction.
real joy.
what a wonderful feeling it would be to hold it all in the palm of your hands.